We are living in a period in time where séx is adored and worshipped. Ladies will kneel down to suck cock but they won’t kneel in church or to say a prayer. Guys will pay 500 shillings worth of fare to go where P is calling but won’t buy themselves a meal worth 100 bob. But as clichés say, that6’s none of my business.
Kenyans are known to engage in lungula in some of the weirdest places. Sometimes it’s fun but mosat of the time it’s just plain gross. Here are some of the craziest places that people in the 254 have had séx.
The bush, maize farm or coffee plantation
This specifically applies to people who live in ‘ocha’. Not all, but only a specific sample, especially the mean perverts who can’t get a room and the teenage high school folk who can’t control their surges of adolescence. People will persevere the pain of thorns, the toughness of stones and the itchy feeling that maize leaves give in order to enjoy the glory of séx.
These areas offer the much needed privacy but it’s surprising how people are willing to go through all the discomfort and brave the dangers of viscous animal attacks just for some few minutes of pleasure.
The number of people who have been caught eating each other up by janitors or bouncers in clubs is as high as my followers on Twitter. As a result, these unlucky ‘thirsties’ have had to engage in endless negotiations or offer bribes. Some bouncers won’t even take bribes, despite the fact that they need extra tight t-shirts.
Once they catch you in the act, they see that as a golden opportunity to impress the boss. I know of a guy who was caught and imprisoned in the club washrooms by a bouncer until when the manager came. By the time he was allowed to go, it was 6 pm the next day.
Be it a taxi or just a private car in a parking lot, Kenyans have felt no shame doing it in automobiles. It doesn’t matter whether it’s in the squeezed space of a Toyata Votz or the spacious arena of a Probox, so long as nyege calls, things are going down. Some cars have even become worn out quickly not because they travel long distances but because of the wear and tear caused by frequent lungula.
We all remember the infamopus Muliro Gardens story. Uhuru Park is also a popular ground for fornication. The pleasurable sin happens in hundreds of other parks all over the country. Do these people even enjoy it? One thing I know is that they constantly have to look over their shoulders because a mortal can pass by any minute. Why go through all the trouble?
Then there are those humans who find it adventurous to engage in cōituss inside a public pool. I have been a witness to this every time and despite not wanting to snitch, I have always wished that an imaginary shark would emerge and bite off the privates of such Kenyans.
There’s no problem having lungula in the pool if it’s just the two of you, but I have no respect for people who